What God has been teaching me.

So I am kind of an emotional person, I am sure that isn’t a surprise for anyone that knows me. I tend to let my emotions get the best of me more often than not. I am sure you can relate on some level or another. I tend to let the smallest things others do affect the outcome of my day as good or bad, I become stressed out, unhappy, and I take it out on those I am closest to. The worst part is once I realize that I am doing it I start to feel more and more guilty for my actions which make me act out even more. As pastor Bill put so well my “happenings determine my happiness and if my happenings don’t happen to happen the way I want them to happen I am unhappy”.

God is showing me more and more everyday that I am in charge of how I handle a situation, how I respond to the outcome of an event.

I feel the first thing I need to do if I am to combat this is figure out what is going on inside me. Why I am I so easily offended by what other people do? As Andrew always tells me, “they didn’t hurt your feelings; you chose to let their action hurt your feelings”. I sit and wonder if it is my choice then why do I fall prey into it so easily and how can I stay out of it? I think it is my longing for the approval of others. I want other people to like me, and I tend to dig into what they are saying trying to figure out if there is another meaning behind it. Like “do they wish I would go away?” “Do they actually approve of me?” This is completely unbiblical; I need to look to God for approval for my actions, not others. I also need to learn to forgive others for what they’ve done as to prevent it from festering up inside of me…

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”      Ephesians 4: 26-27

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving eachother, just as in Christ God forgave you.”                                            Ephesians 4:32

It is obvious I have a choice. I can hear the words other people are saying, or see the action others are doing and choose to let them affect me in a negative manner or not. I need to learn how to listen and look objectively at what they’ve done or said. “What is driving their actions?” “Do they have a deep hurt?” “Do they need something I am not willing to give up?” “Are they generally mean or negative?”

The responsibility is now on me, on me to choose how to respond. To chose forgiveness. I don’t think I can do this by depending on my strength alone. Since true happiness can come only from God alone, if I depend on myself or others to make me happy I am going to live one miserable life. People can be flaky, do the wrong things, and say the wrong things, they will at times fail me in someway or another. But with God being my true joy, happiness, and strength he will never fail me, he will always follow through and I can completely depend on him without question. I need to learn how to stop depending on other people to influence how my day will turn out, and start depending on the one who will never let me down.